Not another blog!

So here I am.  The 2nd blog I've started in 2016 about going sober....why my 2nd.  Because a) I didn't really like the design of my first blog, and b) I totally buggered up going sober within a week of starting.

So here I am again.....it is a Monday - I have hit another rock bottom (my full on rock bottom was 1 year ago...but that is for another blog). So why today???

Yesterday we (husband and I) hosted a BBQ, a school night so not much drinking (well for everyone else).  But Mrs "I Can't Stop at 3" (or 2 or 1) polished off a bottle of wine, and then cracked open the bubbles.  When the guests leave I proceed to argue with the husband and break down crying.    A one off you may think.....but no, this is pretty standard of my behavour when drinking . I just can't stop myself, if I start drinking I end up with at least 5 + glasses in.  If I stop at 2 I spend the rest of the evening battling internally not to zip to the nearest super for a bottle of wine.

So in our arguement, my husband points out that it is always alcohol.....our fights are always based around alcohol.   I either get pissed off at him that he cuts me off from drinking, pissed off with him that he says I a drunk when I feel sober, pissed off with him for not noticing I am trying to cut back, or pissed off with him that he can stop at 2 while I have no self control what so ever. .....he is right.

So here I am, the day after our fight, feeling very depressed, I've cried most of the morning and I just can't stay stuck in this cycle...